Real Life
Wow, that a fairly ambiguous prompt, now isn't it? Well, I'll try.
There seems to be quite blurry lines defining just what is and what isn't "real life" in today's digital age. One can easily lose themself amidst All this technology, sure. And it's happened to many. But at the same time, who's to say what counts as real life and what doesn't? We are all human beings, breathing in and out. If I talk to you through the internet, guess what? That's still real life. It may not be face to face, there may not be tangible contact, sure. But unless I'm sitting here talking to a bot on the other end, I'm pretty sure that I didn't imagine you and conjure you up out of my imagination. Therefore, online friends ARE "real life friends", despite what (typically older) people would like to say about that. There really ought to be a better term coined for this, a less insulting one for those of us who value our online friendships. Personally, I feel even close to "online friends" than "in real life" friends, since I feel comfortable telling them so much more. I am a socially awkward person, I tend to not speak unless spoken to. In some ways, that sometimes even carries over online (i.e. I never send the first instant message, usually pissing a lot of people off because they feel I don't care about them since I'm so adamantly against making the first move). But I was a lonely kid growing up. I went to a private school where my entire grade seemed to be nothing but stuck up, full-of-themself snobs who couldn't pull the stick out of their ass long enough to even consider making friends with someone who wasn't born into privilege. On top of which, both of my parents were druggies and alcoholics, and on top of that, my mother was a hoarder. (There, I said it. After all these years.) I was never allowed to have ANYONE come over to the house for fear of somebody calling the CPS for seeing these conditions, and I was pretty much never allowed to go over to anyone else's house because *gasp* I might rat them out for their drugs! *facepalm* (Like I even cared what they were doing? I knew. But I didn't care.) So I grew up wanting to learn as much as I can about everything, immersing myself in book after book, finding that it dulled the loneliness a little bit. I began to write my own stories, creating characters to keep me "company", in a weird sort of way, but I was always well aware that was not real life, it was fantasy. As were my musical obsessions and daydreams about hanging out and doing things with each of them.
Somewhere around age 9, I discovered the internet, Now initially, I was originally just going on there to play games and to continue on reading up about things at the drop of a hat whenever I had questions. But it didn't take me long to discover chat rooms, and while I wasn't stupid about what I'd write there, I suddenly understood what it was like to talk to people and actually have them listen to what you have to say, and seemingly actually care. That was groundbreaking for me. I forayed into message boards (where I can still be found, 17 years later...) , which soon led me to instant messengers. I quickly cultivated friendships. There's a handful of them that I STILL talk to, this many years later. Including the first person I ever chatted with on AIM, completely at random, when they still had the people search functionality. I've kept up with their lives, and they mine. I have still, to this day, never had an "in real life friend" (as people keep calling them) stay in contact with me for that long or even CARE about me for that long, because I know as well as anybody else that I'm a boring person. But somehow, there's something more to me on here. I don't freeze up so badly while speaking, I don't have the awkward body language, the inability to hold eye contact, any of that. I can just be me. And I appreciate that very, very much.
I'm also just as aware as anybody else that people aren't always who they say they are on the internet, but I'm usually pretty good at sniffing those types out within a few weeks of speaking to them. They're NEVER the ones who stick around for years and years and keep contact, so I don't worry too much about it. I let it roll off my back like water on a duck. People will do what they do.
People can bitch all they want about the "depersonalization" of a generation because of the digital age, but I personally am very, very thankful for this gift that is the internet, because it brought some "real life" to me that is quite possible I would have completely missed out on altogether if it did not exist. Through these wonderful people, I have experienced every possible feeling and emotion, good and bad. I've experienced love. I've experienced attachment, and more importantly, I've experienced feeling wanted and like I belong somewhere. Again, this comes as a double-edged sword, as bad can come from this too, but the good makes it all so very much worth every ounce of pain and frustration I've felt. I think I feel them all that much more intensely here than I do with "in real life" people. When I've fallen out of contact with the "IRL" folks, I don't feel anything. If it happens online, there is a little mourning period and sadness that comes along with that. Probably the reverse of most people, but it is what it is for me, and I can't judge anybody's life experience but my own. Probably the most notable way in which it has been a blessing has been that in a VERY stark contrast to "real life", when I've been suicidal, the people here have DESPERATELY wanted to reach out and help me, and they became the ones that made all the difference in my not going through with it, as opposed to the "real life" people who are so cold as to say "go ahead, not like anybody's gonna miss you". (Yes. Those words have been said to me at a time I felt so vulnerable.) So guess what? This IS my real life. I'm still here, still breathing in and out, because of the kindness and caringness of people who, I may never have physically met, but have made the monumental difference in whether I acted on my feelings or not. And for that, people can try to discredit my online friends all they want, but I value them EVERY bit as much as one does their "real life" friends. Yes. All of you. Every single one of you reading this: I value having you in my life, and am more grateful than anything that we met. <3
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